After twenty minutes of talking about how to say “I am working on …” in Spanish, and a short list of relevant words, I asked her verbally, in Spanish, the question she had in front of her eyes: “What are you working on?”
She averted her eyes, started to fumble at her notes (even though she had that question next to its translation and a list of five words to choose from to complete it on the whiteboard). She was getting stuck on the word “Yo”. Unable to finish, she panicked.
After a minute or two of stuttering, I gently switched back to English and asked her the same question in English, but to no avail. She kept stuttering and trying to find the right words to respond in Spanish. She wasn’t present with me. She couldn’t hear me. She couldn’t see the notes in front of her eyes. I lifted my hands as a sign to stop and attract her attention. I kept my face relaxed with a soft smile while I softly said in English, “Hey, let’s take a moment”. She bashfully looked at me for a second before looking away. She stopped trying to find the response and smiled back to me.
I directed the conversation back to English and asked her about her work: what are you working on? Can you tell me in the most simple way? Just one or two words. I am working on an important project, she said. Then I asked her, do you remember how we say “project” in Spanish? To which she had the answer: Proyecto. And then, I told her that I was going to ask her in Spanish about what she was working on. I also reminded her that she had already given me the answer. I asked her again: ¿En qué estás trabajando? To which she calmly responded: En un proyecto importante. A couple of minutes later, we finished the class on a relaxed, positive note.
How do we deal with our own panic? Do we recognize its early hints in the body?
How do we deal with our students’ panic? Do we know how to bring them back and to help them regulate?
There is more and more information about co-regulation in children’s classrooms and how, as teachers, we can foster calmer and safer classrooms. But adult learners seem to be forgotten. It’s as if a dysregulated nervous system and childhood trauma were supposedly things that get magically fixed once we hit adulthood and, therefore, don’t impact our learning experience, but they do.
Recent statistics are telling us that about one-third of people around the world reported feeling stressed, worried, and/or angry in 2019. So, it’s likely that we teachers have encountered a certain number of stressed, worried, or angry students in our physical or virtual classrooms.
Additionally, approximately 70% of the world’s population has been exposed to a traumatic life event, and approximately 61% of adults have experienced at least one Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE). These numbers mean that it’s also very likely that some of our adult learners have experienced a traumatic event during their lives. They may or may not have healed from that trauma and may or may not be able to recognize their triggers (such as body cues alerting them of danger).
Stress chemicals interrupt learning.
Our body releases stress chemicals when we are feeling anxious or nervous about something that occurs during a class, like being asked a direct question or having to speak out loud. Also, stress chemicals are released when our sympathetic nervous system is activated after a trigger or something that our body perceives or identifies as a threat. And for the most part, we may not even be consciously aware of that trigger.
On top of our students being in a state of “survive” rather than “thrive”, we, teachers, are also susceptible to getting into danger modes. Take me as an example of a teacher under an activated sympathetic system. I used to be bullied in school. I was an outcast in school, and being both in class and on break did not feel safe. My body internalized certain cues: kids laughing, or being loud, or whatever my body sensed then and remembered. And so, when I started my teaching career, and I was teaching kids, I very quickly spiraled into panic mode. My brain was telling me that I was the person in charge, that I was an adult, and that I just had to be in control. But my body was telling me otherwise. I believed the kids were laughing at me. I felt small and powerless. And what’s one of the most common responses when we feel powerless but our mind knows we have power (or are in a position of power)? We express anger and frustration towards those who we perceive being unfair to us. Needless to say, this response from a figure in power (the teacher) can easily be perceived and then felt as a threat by the students in the classroom.
More self-awareness, more self-regulation
After many years of working to understand my own triggers, fears, and bodily cues, I now feel confident about not presenting or becoming a threat to my students. This is now my primary goal when teaching: to ensure a psychologically safe space for learning. I do, however, believe that self-awareness comes first. Self-awareness should come before our teaching skills can flourish and safely deliver our deep knowledge about the topic we aim to teach.
How do we react when a learner gets dysregulated and defensive during a conversation or stops paying attention to us? How do we feel about it? Do we feel threatened? Do we become a threat? And how do we keep the connection with the learner intact?
Teacher self-regulation leads to co-regulation with learners, and in time, learners will learn to self-regulate themselves.
2 Steps for a calm and connected class
- Self-regulation (the teacher) as a prerequisite to
- Co-regulation
Identify your emotional cues
- Body cues
As teachers, we need to learn to identify the feedback our bodies give us (i.e. tension in our shoulders or clenched jaws can signal anger; scratching your hands or other body parts could be a telltale of frustration) - Thought cues
The story we tell ourselves about what is happening in that moment or the way we mentally verbalize how we feel impacts the way we react. For example, thinking, “I hate this [insert situation that caused anger]!” or “This happened again, I’m useless, or it’s my fault, it’s their fault….”. Whenever the narrative we create intensifies our anger or frustration, it’s not useful. Whenever the narrative creates more disconnection or separation between the teacher and the learner, it’s not generative. - Behavior cues
Clenching our fists or jaws is a sign of anger. Feeling like crying, shouting, or punching someone (regardless of whether we have learned to control that impulse response) indicates frustration or anger. And the person in front of us can feel it via a range of means.
Identifying body signals, thoughts, and behaviours in ourselves is the first step. The next is breaking the spiral of unregulated emotion by bringing ourselves back to our center. The path to self-regulation might be slightly different for every individual. For me, it’s about breathing deeply, looking away, or taking a moment to identify and question my thoughts before re-engaging.
We can only co-regulate with our learners when we are grounded and calm and when we don’t represent a threat. I repeat, not a threat. This may sound simple, but it is very tricky. As teachers, we are in a position of power over the learner. Also, the tone of our voice, a subtle movement, or the specific phrasing of a question may trigger the learner. These elements combined can easily make us seem like a threat. That’s why it is so important that we often question a few things:
- What emotion am I feeling now, and how may that be perceived by the learner?
- How do my words land with the learner (observation)?
- How could my current state and behavior be perceived as a threat by the learner?
How do we help learners regulate and go back to a relaxed learning environment? Co-regulation.
Co-regulation can adopt many forms. A warm presence and tone of voice, a smile, a verbal acknowledgment of distress, or a deep, soothing breath… can all signal the learner’s nervous system that we are not a threat. For us online teachers, the strategies may be more limited as we cannot take advantage of any form of physical touch. However, being in physical presence with the learner is not always necessary.
In the words of Deb Dana, a clinician specialized in using the Polyvagal Theory (link) to understand and resolve the impact of trauma and create ways of working that honor the role of the autonomic nervous system:
“We are wired for connection. Our nervous systems are social structures that find balance and stability in relationship with others.”
When you think about you and your learner in terms of a relationship, the question is how can we create and maintain a relationship that is safe and conducive not only to learning but also to healing?
Book a consultation if you want to learn more about how to self-regulate, co-regulate and help your students to self-regulate themselves.
