Note: This is not a review of the Netflix miniseries Adolescence, but it is a spoiler in itself, so do not read before you have finished watching the four episodes.
The purpose of this article is to lay out the main characters and their interconnectedness. It shows how the lines that separate victims from aggressors are sometimes blurred. Depending on the lens, perspective, or depth we use, the same person can be both a victim and a perpetrator. The article ultimately touches on the sheer complexity of being a human with free will but determined by our environment, history, society and family legacy.
My first reaction as the last episode was ending was, “Wow, this is a very mature, nuanced, and complex TV show!”
The facts: A male stabbed a female to death.
This sentence is straightforward: the male is the perpetrator, and the female is the victim. There is no space for doubt. Because this fact is easy to understand, one should be able to judge the consequences easily: The male should go to prison.
Now, on with the descriptive adjectives
A white, 13-year-old male stabbed a white 13-year-old female.
Still, the sentence is equally clear, but the “assessment or judgement” is a bit more, shall we say, uncomfortable to assert. But, still, the boy is the perpetrator and the girl the victim: The boy should go to a minor detention centre.
We can stop at this point and feel comfortable with ourselves. But this show, in its mere four 60-minute episodes, invites us to go deeper, see layers of essential contextual fact, and stay with the uncomfortable multiperspective and humorously paradoxical quality of “truth”.
All the main players in this show were perpetrators and victims.
Jamie - The 13-year-old, white boy
Perpetrator: He stabbed a girl from his school to death.
Victim: He was bullied by the victim, the girl mentioned above.
Katie - The 13-year-old, white girl
Perpetrator: She was bullying Jamie on social media by calling him an incel.
Victim: A male classmate shared a picture of her breasts with the rest of the boys in the class without her consent. She was killed by one of those boys in her class.
The manosphere
Perpetrators: This is a difficult one to pinpoint, right? Who is the manosphere exactly? Andrew Tate, sex offender, trafficker and paedophile, is just one name. Joe Rogan’s podcast, a haven for manosphere influencers, just-asking-questions tech bros, and other “free thinkers”, is just one stage. But the manosphere loud, confident voices coming from white men and white women alike –targeting white boys and girls– are this abstract, intangible force as real as society shaping behaviour.
Victims: Their worldview is collapsing: patriarchy and supremacy are being challenged, and the normalisation of misogyny, heteronormativity, racism and classism is being exposed and questioned. Their God-given values and privileges are brought into question, and so, they perceive their survival threatened. And you know how the adage goes: “When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.”
The school staff
Perpetrators by omission: They have no clue about what is going on in school or with the students. They offer little protection to the bullied ones or the ones whose intimacy was breached because they don’t know it was happening or because they are unequipped to deal with it. They desert their duty of care in the form of emotional support because they are unskilled and unequipped to do so. One painful example: Katie’s (the murdered girl) friend, Jade, is obviously upset by the murder of her friend, and one of the teachers initiates a conversation with her with the intention of supporting her. Jade eventually starts opening up to the teacher. At this moment, the teacher refers her to the school counsellor, betraying the student’s vulnerability and trust.
Victims: In so many ways, teachers are victims not only of violent students but also of a society that undervalues the educator’s role, responsibility and impact on kids’ and adolescents’ lives. With their vocation taken advantage of, teachers often stretch themselves too thin, taking on jobs they are not paid nor trained for: social workers, counsellors, etc.
Jade: Katie's friend
Perpetrator: assaults Jamie’s friend Ryan, accusing him of getting Katie killed.
Victim: had her friend killed and receives no emotional support.
Briony, the clinical psychologist, as a conduit for Jamie's mind
The figure of the psychologist, with her skilled questions, allows us to understand how a 13-year-old boy would kill someone. The conversation between Briony and Jamie unearths the layers we need to get a fuller picture of Jamie’s past and current beliefs and responses.
toxic masculinity (normalisation of anger outbursts, pushing-down emotions, ignoring feelings…)
shame (shame-rage cycle)
generational trauma
unhealed trauma
insecure attachment (low self-esteem, anger outbursts, seeking validation…)
Jamie's father, Eddie
Victim: Eddie is a victim on various levels. As the father of a killer, he’s being judged as responsible for a crime he has not committed. Therefore, he’s the victim of a simplistic society that understands that a minor is not responsible for their actions 100% and seeks the simplest of answers: the parents are the responsible ones (which is partially true, but not entirely). He is also a victim of a traumatising event in which he, as a kid, was laughed at by the entire class and probably didn’t get emotional support (it was a different generation) and possibly didn’t seek it.
Perpetrator: In the last episode, we find the answer to Eddie looking away from Jamie after seeing the video of his kid stabbing Katie. Eddie tells us a story from his past, presented jokingly like a trivial event. We learn that Eddie was laughed at by the entire class in front of the girl he liked in a school dance. Being laughed at becomes a trigger that sets off anger outbursts and rage reactions that do not seem to match the present event that triggered them (Eddie is reacting with a suppressed, festered emotion from the past to events in the present). We learn that he was ashamed of his son’s lack of “masculine” traits, which led to express detachment towards his son by looking away. Detachment felt by Jamie, who idolises his dad (male role model). The child’s insecure attachment, caused by emotional detachment, showed up as low self-esteem, a desperate need for validation (like when he panicked and asked Briony, “Do you like me?”), and difficulty regulating emotions—where anger was the only emotion he felt allowed to express due to toxic masculine standards. Eddie passed on his unhealed trauma and toxic behaviours…
But he is not more responsible for the crime committed than
Jamie (who actively stabbed Katie)
The manosphere (who insidiously normalises violence and misogyny)
the school staff (who ignored their duty of care for the emotional well-being of all students)
Us, as members of society, when we don’t value and support school workers, or are silent against violent voices that promote racism, classism, homophobia, sexism… Us, when we are unwilling to look back at ourselves and accept the full implications of “it takes a village to raise a child”, it also means “it takes a village to harm a child” and how we, as individuals, neighbours, voters, teachers, police, passers-by… are all part of that village.
This article carries the risk of being called woke or left extremist as an insult. It may annoy those who want their art to be apolitical, however, art has never been such a thing. From the art that favoured the views of the ruling group to the art that favoured the views of the patrons, to the art that challenged those views, art has always been political.
And dare I say that those who are annoyed at the agenda promoted by these woke/far-left artists feel their values and beliefs are as threatened as the manosphere’s? What TV show or movie has never had an agenda? The sexist shows and films that we have all grown up with a display of all those stunning (aka sexualised) women seeking wealthy or popular men, being manipulative, self-interested, unintelligent, and irrational, while men are the logical ones able to save the day and the girl who will undoubtedly fall in love with the guy after a forced kiss? Or what about the absence of homosexual couples or transgender individuals as main characters and not defined only by that one trait? Wouldn’t that be the agenda of the patriarchy (Christian and supremacist)? Why doesn’t it feel like an agenda? Would it be because the indoctrination happened generations ago, and therefore, it now feels normal?
I want to end this piece with some aspects to consider:
We are all doing the best we can with what we know (and believe) within our circumstances.
Two seemingly opposed realities can coexist.
Growth Mindset
For example, the dad can be a great dad, a good person and still can pass some toxic harming behaviours to his son, having tragic consequences.
And this is not an attack on the dad, teachers, manosphere, or society. It’s rather a “Let’s put our heads together to find an answer: “How can we fix it, do better, grow”?
Activating more of a growth mindset and less of a fixed mindset with its guilt and shame would be a good starting point.
Self-Awareness
The next step could be directing the spotlight to ourselves and being open to exploring how we may be harming others (behaviours, beliefs, attitudes that we blindly perpetuate). For this step, we really need to dial down shame and guilt and dial up compassion and empathy. Also, remember to keep your growth mindset engaged!
Bring Love to Ourselves
Loving ourselves means acknowledging our flaws without fear of rejection, owning our mistakes, and working to repair harm. It means understanding that we don’t need to be perfect to deserve love. Healing starts with secure attachment—knowing our worth while accepting the consequences of our actions.
Instead of simplifying complex issues, we must embrace paradox: good and harm can coexist. Questioning ourselves isn’t self-hatred; it’s a path to growth.
Accepting our past wounds is hard, but necessary. Our parents weren’t perfect—neither are we. But we are all human, learning, and evolving.
To truly heal, we must feel safe enough to face failure without shame, advocate for ourselves without fear, and extend compassion to both ourselves and others. Growth begins when love replaces shame.
